Take Time

If we could save time, where could we keep it?

If we could keep time, when could we use it?

If we waste time, will it waste us?

are we too much like time impossible to define?

(Kate Miller-Heidke)

Do you ever feel like time is running away from you? Feel like there are not enough hours in they day? Days in the week? Weeks in a month? Etc?

I’m sure we are all guilty of time crimes… wasting time, hurrying time, passing time, saving time, making up time, wishing away time, calculating time, beating time and many other time crimes. Why is it that time seems to be such an elusive character? Why do we constantly look at our watches, shake our heads and monitor ourselves? Do we really understand the time enigma? Are we really sure that time even exists?

“If I only had more time”, is a phrase that I have uttered many times. “We don’t have time”, is something I have said to my husband many a time. My husband, being originally from Chile is such an amazing person in the sense that he seems to be one of those few people that do not succumb to the abominable accomplice in crime: Time… Over the years that we have been together I have learnt why his lifestyle is so much healthier than my own.

Time is a mathematical concept of sorts. It can be broken down like fractions into smaller segments. Just like you can divide a cake into pieces and then smaller pieces, so you can break down time into minutes and seconds, but at some point, after many divisions there will be no cake left… and time is the same.

Despite this, we continually try to beat time, or stretch it – or somehow fit in more than we can possibly do in any given fraction or segment of time. Why do we do this to ourselves? Obviously it can’t be done. The things we set out to do that cannot really be fit into the time we allocated are then obviously left unfinished or not done at all and then the stress starts.

I do this to myself all the time. I’ll be driving the car, knuckles turning white on the steering will under my tightening grip as I stare at the clock wishing and willing it to go backwards, knowing that minutes have already passed the time I was supposed to be there and… I’m still in the car! Its not that I don’t have enough time, or that time got away from me –No. I simply didn’t allow myself enough time.

Certainly there are always going to be times when being late is going to be unavoidable: but these times should not be the norm. If they are, then it is likely that you are constantly under unnecessary stress.

How can we ensure that we are under less stress? The answers are simple:

1. Don’t make appointments back to back – we are all guilty of this. Even if the appointment is at the same place, give yourself a little time to breathe and recover.

2. Always allow extra time for travel – one thing is for sure, Brisbane travel is a nightmare, so make sure you allow sufficient travel time and also a little more in case there is traffic – remember if you are early, there is always time to chill and have a coffee, but if you are late, there is only stress.

3. Make sure you have a maximum number of things to do in any one day and stick to your rule. Generally speaking, the more places you have to be in one day, the more stressful your life. Of course you can’t compromise on the things you must do, so work is the priority. If you are a parent, you most likely have commitments after work involving your children. The important thing to remember is not to over-commit and not to feel bad if you have to say “no”. If you become stressed to the point of not being able to function then NO commitments will be being met – so it’s better to have a plan and try not to deviate from it. I have a rule that I do not have to be at more than 2 places in any day. Work is one of those places, which means I can do one more thing after work, and that is all. So if I am asked to be somewhere else in any one day, I politely apologise and decline stating that I cannot make it due to other commitments and I try to re-schedule.

4. If you generally have a busy and hectic schedule, taking 5 minutes in the morning to make a plan at the beginning of each day a good way to make sure you are on schedule and less stressed throughout the day – so its worth waking an extra five minutes earlier and giving yourself peace of mind that you are on top of everything.

Well that’s probably enough for one day, good luck with time management! Remember, we cannot save, cheat or beat time, but we can always try to make the most of it. Make sure you enjoy your time!

Sometimes a Day is Just a Day

Do you suffer from the dreadful disease of perfectionism? I do. Many people call me a perfectionist and say it even sometimes in a half envious tone of voice – as if it is more gift than a burden – but for those of us who suffer with it – we know that it is definitely the latter.

Perfectionists are constantly stressed always striving for an outcome that is probably not realistic and often unachievable and constantly becoming disillusioned and disappointed when the unrealistic “perfect” expectations do not quite come into fruition.

A very wise colleague said to me recently “The truth of the matter is, there are no perfect days, there are just some days that run smoothly than others… and those days are the ones we should strive for… the others, well, they are the other.”

How wise… I felt immediately like a huge weight had been lifted. I didn’t need to expect my days to be perfect – that was no realistic. I just needed to hope and expect my days to run as smoothly as possible. By changing the focus from perfection to smoothness, my stress levels dropped dramatically.

For too long I realised that I keep trying to measure my days with 2 extremes… either perfect or disastrous – how unfair of myself…. Cheating myself of all the degrees of success in between!

So next time you catch yourself being too hard on yourself – just remind yourself – there are no perfect days – there are just days!

The Silly Season

Yes its that time of the year...

Some people say its wrong to call it the "Silly Season", but lets be frank - it can become awfully silly sometimes and for people suffering from mental illness it can often be the worst time of the year.

There are many reasons this year can mean massive mood difficulties for people. Holidays in themselves are difficult for people with mood disorders. A change in routine, even the slightest on,e can have drastic implications for some people: so its not surprising that a massive shift from working routine to no routine can play havoc with people's mental health.

Family time also makes Chrismas a difficult time. Whilst most people love their families, many are not used to spending so much time in confined spaces with their beloved family members and this can be quite a stressful experience. It has even been proven that the divorce rate is elevated at this time of the year because couples spend more time together than they are generally accustomed to, and as a result fight more and have more time to stew and think that there might be something wrong with their relationship: when in fact they are just very normal people!

Loneliness is also a problem for many at Christmas. Its hard for a lot of us with big families to imagine, but there are many people out there who do not have anyone. This is particularly true for those with specific mental illnesses - we all know what its like to have lost many special friends over the years due to incidences that have occurred during our mood swings.

The spending then of course is the icing on the cake! Many people at Christmas time feel compelled to spend money they quite often dont have on presents that really they dont need to buy. We all feel the pressure of having to buy presents for everybody we know and buying gifts these days, especially for children is by no means a cheap endeavour. Everyone seems to be playing keeping up with the Joneses and gone are the days when children were happy with a book or a cricket set for Christmas. What with playstations and mobile phones you can scarcely expect to get out of a present for under $200 and it certainly seems like the spirit of Christmas has become lost in the shadow of the Christmas loans that banks are constantly advertising and in which many are becoming caught.

So what is to be done? Good question - obviously we cant make Christmas disappear! But there are things we can do to make the season easier and endeavour to emerge unscathed by Christmas mania or blues or both.

Talk to your partner and communicate that its a difficult time and try to come up with a routine that makes the holidays easier for you to cope with. Plan each day in advance - don't leave too much thinking time.

Talk to your family, remind them that you love them and that you love spending Christmas with them but that you do need to be helped with the Christmas period and ask them to be understanding of your space when you are spending time with them so you dont feel pressured or stifled. Ask them to be careful of the types of questions and information they ask of you when around other family members or friends. Remind them that there are some things that are sensitive and uncomfortable to talk about in front of others i.e. sickness, time in hospital, not being able to work, not having finished things etc.

Dont be caught in the present trap. Either tell people straight up that you aren't financial enough to be extravagent with presents and you would prefer them not to be either. Or simply cook something or make something for those you love - the effort will be appreciated. Give a flower or a card or buy someone a drink. At the end of the day, your loved ones love you anyway and are not too worried about the type of gift you give them. The thought and the fact you have spend time with them will always be enough for those special people in your lives.

And lastly for those of you feeling lonely, its a hard time of the year and its especially hard as most people do spend time with their families so its heart-wrenching for those that dont have families or whose families are far away. Please dont spend Christmas by yourself. There are groups out there with other lonely people desperate to make a connection. Contact Grow in your area http://www.grow.net.au/ to find out how to meet these people. Contact a friend or an acquaintace for a catch up or a coffee. Send someone an email - send me an email - I'm always here and glad to talk.

Anyway, if I dont hear from you, have a very merry "Silly Season" and a bright and safe and "mentally stable" new year...

Its all About the Music

There is a song on the sound track to Quentin Tarantino's movie Kill Bill 2 that is called "Urami Ibushi". I have absolutely no idea what this means, or at least, I HAD no idea until I googled it (gotta love google). But this song really moves me. Obviously the lyrics were not resposnsible for my having been so moved by the song- because originally I didn't understand them. However something compels me, everytime I hear this song, to sing along (obviously in made up lyrics that dont make any sense) or even sometimes to dance along to it.


If you haven't heard it, give it a try, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eV8JlNdcOEs its a beautiful song and the singer has a really expressive voice, even though I didn't have a clue what the lyrics meant, I felt as though I understood the song, and that by singing along (in my own words) I must have been expressing something beautiful and happy from within me. Am I crazy (wait don't answer), or does that happen to you too?


It hasn't just happened to me with that song, but with many. Even before I met my husband (who is chilean for those that don't know him) I had already established an inexplicable attraction to Spanish music. Now I know that there are many people like me who have experienced the same thing. How do I know? When Julio Iglesisas firt came to Australia during Expo he performed to a sell out audience on riverstage and only a small percentage of all those people who went to see him would have understood the lyrics as almost all his songs were sung in Spanish! There were people cheering, singing along, some even crying, and yet they didn't know if the words were happy lyrics or sad lyrics, they just felt it from the music.

For me this is just proof that music definitely impacts the spirit in ways that we simply do not understand. So whats the point of the story? Making music that you enjoy a part of our everyday routines may have effects on us that we arent aware of. I'm not a doctor, nor am I a scientist, but I do know that music can effect me in strange and beautiful ways, so I am very selective about when and where I have certain types of music. My alarm in the morning plays me a certain type of music. The CD in the car on the way to and from work plays another. When relaxing in the evening a different one - and another still when chilling on Saturday morning.

It surpised me then, talking to some people, that they can go the whole week and not listen to any music! If you are feeling down, try integrating a little more music into your life and see if it lightens your spirit just a tiny bit. But a word of warning... do be careful about your music choices.... Those of you who have been long term battling with depression will understand that some choices can enhance your depresssed mood - be sure to choose music that you are reasonably sure will lift your soul and not the other way around. Throw out the heavy metal and coutry western CD's and load up the music that really calls to you - even if you dont understand the words!

"Move" Your Way to a Better Mind Frame

We so often underestimate the value of movement or physical activity. If were not feeling well, if were down, depressed or tired, we lack the motivation to exercise when really exercise is just the thing we need.

An overactive mind so often goes with an underactive body. We need to fight our mind's desire to remain static and compel our bodies to undertake some form of movement.

Many people say that you feel better as soon as you start exercise. I do not believe this. There is no quick fix for anything - so I certainly dont believe that if you start exercising all your problems are going to disappear. I am much of a realist. It is quite likely that the first time you do move, you dont feel any better at all. Maybe even the 2nd time - or the third. It is only once it has become a habit that you find you may even enjoy particular forms of physical activity.

Obviously I prefer dancing to any other form of movement. You will never find me at a gym or playing a team sport. However recently I realised the need I have for more cardio-vascular activity (which dance doesnt always provide as rehearsals are very much stop and start). So I began walking/jogging with my husband.

To be honest the first time I did it, I didnt enjoy it at all - I couldn't wait to get back home and plop myself on the couch. The 2nd time was much the same - in fact for about a month it was like that... sometimes I even dreaded going, and I often thought I just lacked the energy to do it. But now ,about 3 months into this exercise program, I really look forward to our walks. I like the exercise, I like the wind in my face and I enjoy our time together. I also feel a lot better for it.

Similarly a couple of weeks ago, I had committed to a gig at the restaurant at which I often sing. I had received some shocking news that week and so i was tired, lacking energy and motivatiion and Iwas in absolutely no frame of mind to even sing to myself let alone perform for others. But I had committed, and I couldnt let the band down.

The start of our performance was a little bit low as I had expected. However as we gradually moved through the evening I found that the singing and dancing that I was doing was slowly making me feel a little bit better. I was a little bit less anxious and found that I had some energy that I didnt think I had before. By the end of the evening I was feeling a whole lot better and almost ready to face the world again.

I often forget just how much of an impact dance and exercise does have on my moods. I find that I often say over in my head, "Overactive mind - underactive body," and it helps me keep my "movement" on track.

Tips for Dealing with Grief

I know this is not strictly an expressive arts issue but its definitely a mental health issue and one that is close to me at the moment...so here goes.

Grief is something we all have to deal with at some point in our lives: there is no escaping it. Some have to face it more often than others, some have to face it younger than others. Everyone's experience of Grief is different, but it is the same sentiment.

Grief can be defined as: Deep mental anguish, as that arising from bereavement. Losing a loved one is one of life's saddest experiences. Whether you lose a parent, a friend, a child or a lover, the mental anguish you feel is deeply intense: so intense that, to a point, you may feel as though you are aching both mentally and physically.

Everyone experiences it, but everyone experiences it differently. Some people cry. Some people try to be around family and friends. Others immerse themselves in work, some take time out on their own.

If you are suffering from a mental illness, the loss of a loved one can mean, not only a period of grieving but may also mean a massive mood change for the worse if you are not careful. Obviously if you already have a vulnerability to depression or mood swings, something like an unexpected death can be enough to push you over the edge. You need to look after yourself.

Whatever your experience is, there are ways to help ease the hurting a little during the difficult period and help maintain mental stability.

1. Cry. Cry and dont be afraid to. Its the body's natural way of releasing the sad emotion. It is healthy and natural to cry. You can cry by yourself in your own time and in your own way, or you can cry with others grieving with you, and you can share the emotions together.

2. Talk. Many people have difficulty doing this following the loss of a loved one. Its almost as if its to painful to do. But humans need to release what they are feeling inside. Tell someone you feel sad/angry/confused/frustrated. It is good for you to get it out, and no one is going to judge you for it.

3. Find your support network. You need people who understand what you're going through. Someone that will hug you, take care of some things for you, or even just sit there with you. Everyone needs a support network in life: its human nature to need contact with others, but it is especially important that you have your support in times of grief.

4. Keep photos. This sounds silly, but I can tell you that after the death of my two most loved ones, I put all their photos away - I couldn't bear to look at them. I didn't realise at the time that by doing this, I was only prolonging and delaying the grief to another time rather than living through it. Keep photos of your loved one around and if you see them and cry: then cry. Its your right and you are meant to miss them ,so let your body show that it does.

5. Re-kindle your faith. If you practice a religion or have a faith of some description, then re-visit your beliefs about the role of death in the overall scheme of things. Think about how your loved one and you fit into the greater picture and find some comfort in the fact that there are energies bigger and greater than we can possibly understand - but we are all a part of them.

6. And of course you knew it was coming... Play music. My family would not allow us to play music after the death of someone as it was thought to be disrespectful - but this couldn't be further from the truth. Music is soothing for the soul. Even now when I hear certain songs, I immediately think of my uncle and in some ways I find it really comforting, like he is still with me.

7. Do something physical. You need to keep those feel-good hormones pumping through your body. Go for a walk or do something that requires movement. One of the most beautiful things I have ever seen was a scene from the movie Evita. Just after it was announced that she had died, there is a scene in a bar where the couples were dancing a beautiful slow dance with their heads on each others shoulder, to beautiful music, mourning their loss together. I think this is a healthy way to grieve - the mental and physical combined.

Obviously there are many more things you can do to help you deal with grief. If you have some suggestions, please feel free to add comments below.

In the meantime, my sweet Amy, you are dearly loved and will be sorely missed.

Do You Have Trouble Sleeping?

I do! I always have. For me sleeping has always been a problem. I've never found it easy to go to sleep or to stay asleep. When I was a child, it didn't matter so much - it seems that children have an endless supply of energy, but as I've gotten older, its become more and more of a problem.

Lack of sleep can take its toll both physcally and mentally. Physically, your reflexes can become slower, your body can ache and your eyes become sore, heavy and dark. Mentally, you can become irritable, sad, even depressed.

Most people are aware that 6-8 hours sleep a night is what is required to maintain a healthy lifestyle. However, this needs to be 6-8 hours of good quality sleep. If you are waking constantly, tossing and turning, going to the bathroom or having to get tea/milk, then chances are, you are not getting the quality sleep that you need, and it could be effecting your mental health.

Obviously, there are a number of things you can do to help with sleep, some of which you most likely already know - but lets go over them anyway.

1. Try to keep your bedroom exactly that - your bedroom. Don't bring work into the bedroom. In fact try not to have the TV in the bedroom either. Your mind needs to know, that when you go to that place - you go there for one purpose only: and that is to sleep. So keep your bedroom as your sleeping place only.

2. Make sure your bedroom is comfortable. If you are going to sleep for a good 6-8 hours, you need to make sure that your room is entincing. Make sure you like your bed and that it feels comfortable. Have pillows that are soft and comfy so that you want to rest on them. Have curtains that make the lighting in the room just right for you.

3. Eliminate excess noise. Sometimes this is not an easy thing to do. I live on a main road, so that does make things a little difficult. If you can afford it, consider soundproofing your room. If not, you can arrange to have extra thick curtains or special blinds that dull the noises, which might make it more bearable.

3. Keep some water by the bed. This means that if you do wake up in the middle of the night, you do not have to get out of bed to get a drink. You have a better chance of falling back to sleep if you dont get out of bed, so try to avoid this if possible.

4. Try placing some lavender on your pillow. Lavender is meant to be soothing and helps you relax. Or even try another scent that you enjoy. The olfactory sense is the most amazing sense and it has been proven that scents can evoke all different sorts of emotions. If you find a particular scent that makes you feel happy or relaxed, then this might just put you in the right frame of mind to fall asleep.

5. Check your breathing. Many people suffer from poor sleep because of sinus problems. Waking up gasping for air is very disruptive to your sleeping pattern. Don't delay, see a doctor about keeping your breathing difficulties at bay. The same goes for snoring. If you snoring is disrupting your sleep, the consult a GP or a pharmacist to see what can be done.

6. Of course my favourite: have a CD of music that you find especially relaxing. Set aside at night 10-15 minutes where you lay in bed listening to this music. This is your time to relax and it tells your body that sleep time is on its way. If you wake in the middle of the night, and you can't get back to sleep, you can always start the CD again. This is a technique that does wonders for me.

Finally, if you have tried all these methods and perhaps many others, you really need to take some action. Sleep is too important to let go for too long. If you continue to have problems, then you should consult a specialist. There are actually sleep clinics that you can visit where specialists monitor your breathing and sleep throughout the night. It is possible if you have tried endless techniques and you still cant sleep, that you have a sleep condition which might require special attention. Don't neglect yourself - check it out!

In the meantime, I hope these few tips help you improve the quality of your sleep.

Good night and pleasant dreams!